Father’s Day looks different for everyone, but for the Veteran community, it can carry its own particular set of challenges. Distance, separation or estrangement can make the day complicated. Grief — for a child, or for your own father — can turn a day that’s meant to be simple into something much heavier. And even for dads spending time with their kids, the instinct to look after everyone else can mean your own wellbeing is overlooked.
Wherever you’re at this Father’s Day, this article is for you.
Disclaimer: The information shared within this article is not a replacement for professional help. If you, or someone you know, is in a crisis, please reach out to one of the 24/7 helplines listed below:
– Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
– Lifeline: 13 11 14
– Open Arms: 1800 011 046
Why self-care matters for all Veteran dads
Many Veteran dads operate on the same programming that got them through service: notice what needs doing, do it, and don’t make a fuss. Applied to fatherhood, that instinct looks like showing up, providing, staying steady — all genuinely good things. But it can also mean your own wellbeing moves lower on the list, for years at a time, without you really deciding that’s what should happen.
Prioritising your own wellbeing can feel indulgent, or somehow at odds with being a good provider. That framing misses something important: a parent who’s running on empty has less to give, not more. Looking after yourself isn’t a departure from looking after the people you love; it’s part of how you do it well, over the long run, whatever today looks like for you.
What that actually looks like depends on where you’re at this Father’s Day. Here’s what it might mean for you:
For those away from their kids
Separation, custody arrangements, distance, or estrangement can make today complicated or genuinely hard, whatever the reasons. If that’s where you’re at, looking after yourself today might not look like a typical self-care checklist. It might mean deliberately putting some structure into the day rather than letting it stretch out, reaching out to a mate rather than isolating, or simply allowing space for today to be hard without treating it as a failure.
For those with their kids
If today does include time with your kids, looking after yourself doesn’t need to be a big gesture or a total life overhaul. A few small, repeatable things go a long way:
- Actually resting on your days off, rather than filling every gap with tasks.
- Saying when something’s hard, instead of defaulting to “all good.”
- Keeping something in your week that’s just for you, with no productivity attached to it.
- Talking to someone (a mate, a partner, or a professional) before things build up rather than after.
One of the more overlooked reasons to take your own wellbeing seriously is what your kids learn from watching you. Kids absorb far more from what you do than what you say. A dad who shows that it’s okay to rest, to ask for help, and to take their own wellbeing seriously is quietly teaching their kids the same thing — which matters just as much as anything you’ll ever tell them directly.
You might also like: Beyond Toughing It Out: Why More Veteran Men Are Taking Their Wellbeing Seriously
For those who have lost a child
If today is hard because you’ve lost a child, that’s a different kind of weight to carry than distance or estrangement, and it deserves to be acknowledged as its own thing, not folded into general advice. There’s no right way to get through a day like this. However you need to spend it is valid, whether that’s alone, with people who understand, or simply getting through it quietly.
Griefline (1300 845 745) offers free grief support if having someone to talk to would help, open 9 am–8 pm daily.
For those who have lost their father
Father’s Day can also land differently if it’s your own father you’re missing — whether he’s recently passed, or the day simply brings up how much you think about him, especially if the relationship was complicated. That’s worth acknowledging too, and it doesn’t need a neat resolution. Giving yourself space to feel whatever comes up, without pressure to make the day mean something in particular, is enough.
Final Thoughts
Whatever your situation looks like today, whether you’re with your kids, away from them, grieving a child, or missing your own father, one thing stays the same: your wellbeing matters. It’s not something you need to earn, and it’s not conditional on how today unfolds.
If you’re an ex-ADF member with a DVA Gold or White Card and you’d like some support in your corner, we’d love to hear from you. Our Veteran Mindfulness Program combines telehealth psychology sessions with practical mindfulness tools, so you’re not choosing between clinical support and everyday coping strategies.
Get in touch with our team or click here to find out more about the VMA program.
Disclaimer
This content provides general information only and is not a substitute for professional advice. DVA funding eligibility for psychology services varies depending on your card type, accepted conditions and individual circumstances. Please confirm your eligibility with DVA before booking. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact Open Arms on 1800 011 046 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.